HOPE and Hodge-Podge...

Above the welcome mat at the front of our house will be a sign hanging that reads, HOPE.  I decided that I needed the letters to stand for Happy Optimistic People Enter. I believe that what energy you put out in the universe (I know, pretty new agey but hang in there with me.) you get back, so I'm committed to surround myself with really positive people.

Which brings me to my next topic. Information. I want it. If you have a distant 3rd cousin that has made it to the other end of this thing by eating Elmer's Glue...I want to know about it. I'm not sure I'll do it, but information is knowledge and I expect to hear from all of you.Can we be frank here, let's face it, I'd suck on tree bark if it would get me one step closer to healthier!  Call, email, you can text me, but I'm pretty sure my 99 year old grandmother is a faster texter than me! But I try...

As for me, right this minute, I'm tired. That is what I find to be the most evident symptom for right now. I have very little stamina. Other than that, I am in no pain. I have a slight what I call "weirdness" in my abdomen. It doesn't hurt, it's just bloatie pressure. Now, don't get me wrong. I did go to church, help Mark put up some boards on the ceiling of the kitchen, cook dinner for my parent's and family and have the neighbors over for a bonfire. So I'm not just sitting and waiting around for this stuff to get me! But for me, at the end of the day I usually feel tired, not exhausted.

Another thing I notice and which should have been the real kicker here is my appetite. When a Benesh can't eat...call 911! We eat through the flu, Strep Throat, even major surgery (If they'd let us, they won't.). I should have known that something was up when seconds were not on my plate. Gotta pay attention to those red flags a wavin'.

Speaking of red flags, how crazy is it that I am wondering how skinny I will get? What has this frickin' nation done to us, Girls? Cancer won't even make us give up our desire to fit into those "skinny jeans". Oy! I said to Mark just this morning, "It's probably a good thing I didn't get rid of the clothes I couldn't fit into at the beginning of the summer."  I joked with my surgeon that she could triple her salary if she also had her plastic surgery as well as gynecological/oncology specialty...then I flashback to the fluid being sucked out of my belly earlier this week and the reminder that this is SOOOO beyond vanity.

It's kind of crazy here in my brain today. Hence the Hodge-Podge part of my blog. Lots of thoughts not much organization. I guess that means I'd better find some sleep. g'night.